You guys know that I love my conversation with my kids.
Whether it was Caleb, when he was 4 years-old, sitting on the ground next to my chair on our back porch in Upstate NY, looking out at the Northern Spruce trees and asking God silently (in my mind) “How am I going to get through this…” (whatever ‘this’ was in that moment. It could have been something hairy or simply trying to come up with dinner. I don’t remember.) and Caleb looked up to me and said, “Just believe, Mom. Just believe…”
Or if it was Seth this morning, in the kitchen in Southern California with me, prepping lunches.
Just to catch you up, real quick: Caleb’s now 12. Seth is 10.
Caleb is my avid reader, magical violinist, does-a-great-impression-of Bill-Cosby, beat-boxing, uber-sensitive, “Oh look, there’s a squirrel!” kid.
I say things like “He’s from Planet Caleb” and when he was little, I used to say, “We live life at the speed of Caleb.” He’s his own entity, his own force. He hates disobeying the rules of life (and yet has his moments) doesn’t like when anyone ‘wins’ or ‘loses’ (he wants everything to be fair) and would like Pokemon to be real because they have aromatherapy Pokemon who could heal me of Hashimoto’s.
He’s also the kid who can touch a bottle of vitamins — or the arm of a human being — and feel their energy — whether it’s energizing or draining to him. His heart-rate literally changes. And he can feel it.
And did I mention that he’s 12 — with size 13 feet?
He calls himself “The Therapod” (Big-Footed Beast) and “TBP” (The Bottomless Pit.)
And then, there’s Seth.
Seth is my long-haired hippie boy who wants to be a business man, more-than-a- millionaire (he said so when he was 5) so that he can end world hunger. Two concepts (millionaire and world hunger) that we didn’t bring to the table. He just came with them — or they resonated with him from somewhere.
People have asked him to model for years. He had no interest — until he learned he could make money. He likes money. He’s super-good at it. Super generous with it. Super wise with it.
He walks with both feet on the ground. Solidly. And has a very strong sense of his spirituality. He said to me the other day, “If I had one wish, I would ask for a wish every day — and then, on the second day, I would ask for you to be healed.” Yup. That’s good economy and good spirituality. Pretty much everything inside of me melted, too.
It’s a beautiful thing to be Seth.
Back to the kitchen, making lunches before school….
So, Caleb is standing 5’5 next to me and bonks into me. I’m convinced his bones are made of steel and I got thrown off my footing.
“Dear Lord, Caleb…bonking into you is like getting hit by a train.”
He smiled and said in his voice that lowered over summer, “Sorry, Mom. You know, it’s a two-butt kitchen and we have three butts in here right now.”
He was right. And my butt makes up at least one and a half so, we were definitely outnumbered.
Caleb said, “I don’t want to give you a concussion or anything.”
I was about to answer, when he went into his, “Oh Look! There’s a squirrel mode…” and then, back to reality.
“You know, one of my friends got a concussion last year when he got body-slammed by someone.”
I nodded, “I know, Cay. That bummed me out…”
Seth asked quietly, while he was putting his organic snacks in the baggie, “What’s a concussion?”
I thought for the easiest way to say it, “When someone gets hit or knocked down in such a way that their brain gets bruised.”
He said, “Well, my brain is strong and hard and that’s never going to happen to me.”
I went over and kissed his head which is both strong and sometimes Taurus-stubborn, “I pray you’re right…”
He turned and said with such strength, “I don’t pray. I say. I don’t know why people talk about praying when all you have to do is say it.”
I felt his commitment. His clarity. His sureness.
It was powerful.
And then, I had that old Italian, superstitious thing that made me want to pray a special prayer make sure he didn’t just jinx himself.
And then, I wanted to write a blog about it because I wanted to share this with the world so we could all benefit, too — but those thoughts of “Oh no! It’s Michaelmas at school today — what if I write a blog and he gets hurt during the challenges and gets a concussion. Where will the credibility be?”
And on and on.
Because you know, as aware and conscious as I am, I still came from somewhere — and those superstitious, reactive thoughts occasionally rear their ugly head and try to bait me into those old ways.
I don’t know if any of you have ever belonged to the ‘name it and claim it’ kind of religious thinking that sounds good, on one hand and then, you try it with that black Mercedes 500 L and it just doesn’t work.
Or for that family member who was ill.
Or for yourself in your own sickness.
Or maybe you’ve read up on the Law of Attraction and tried the same thing — but you’re still in you 1995 Toyota with 250,000 miles on it and still 50 pounds overweight.
Not where you want to be.
And yet — that teaching exists — and seems to work for some — or for many of us, some times.
I get that.
I live my own version of it, trust me.
But then, I think of things like the known sayings of Jesus where he says, “If you have faith the size of a mustard seed and say to that mountain, ‘Move’, it shall be moved.”
And you have to wonder — was he, and the other great teachers during the ages, trying to clue us in on a postulate that exists?
That we have more power than we realize and we just haven’t all figured out how to turn it on yet?
I know there are kabillions of books and blogs on it but seriously, no matter how many of them there are, it’s each our own journey to discover.
An my leaning thought is yes.
Now, I don’t know all about this, so please don’t start picking at me with dogma or anything — you know me, I’m an explorer, a sojourner — trying to find my way. I’m not trying to win a fight with you, I’m trying to win my life back. Life, health issues, financial bumps and relationship gaffes have beat out most of my pride and arrogance — so, if you knew me 10 years ago, you don’t know me any more. Just sayin’…
Some things have come to me in the last few years. Thoughts like,
“If we know who we really are, we would be using our power to take care of this issue. And it would be done.”
“When I am unattached to people, places, and things — and simply desire them with an open heart — they seem to land easily in my sphere.”
“The areas where I give abundantly, without a thought for any reciprocity, are places where I experience great abundance from the Universe.”
“The things that I have judgment about, seem to come upon me. The person I’m criticizing for doing this, that and such ends up being my shitty this, that and such issue. But when I am gracious and realize, I could do the same thing as they are, I end up not doing that thing.”
“The areas where I feel the most amount of gratitude and least amount of entitlement, I experience even more of what I have gratitude for. It keeps coming my way.”
seem to be access points for things that can sometimes otherwise seem elusive.
I have places that are very unencumbered in my life — where the magic of wisdom, provision, and opportunity appear with such ease, I don’t even really think about it much.
And then, I have things that I work on in my head and being, end up manifesting in my life with this mix of effort and ease in a relatively good balance. Where I’m surrendered and committed.
And then, I have the places where I think so damn hard, and the very thing I think I want and need is a million miles away from my grasp.
I have some combination of those.
Just like many human beings.
I just see that there’s something many humans are trying to sort out. Some of us are doing it like Alice in Wonderland — padding around with our hands on the wall, trying to find the magic door to let us through. And some, like Neo are being guided by their Morpheus to have it open within them….
either way, I think there’s something we humans are wanting to live in and understand —
and maybe simply return to the nature of our being within.
So, whether it’s Jesus who inspires that conversation in you — or Tony Robbins, Abraham/Esther Hicks, Buddhism, or Law of Attraction — or even my little curly-haired sage, Seth — I just think there’s something that is going to be part of my inner conversation these next few days in a way that is more concentrated than it’s been in the past.
I heard my son’s clarity and strength today.
I know that’s in me, too.
He’s my teacher — they both are — and I’m perfectly fine and grateful for it to be that way.
The Universe is speaking.
And I am listening.